still don’t geddit?

Just for the record, I only go ballistic when:

1- Stuff that has been mentioned repeatedly is not met, or someone undermines the hugeness of my dos and don’ts and think that I wouldn’t mind, when I actually do, because it’s a big deal, that’s why I mentioned my pet peeves in the first place. Is it so difficult to do? It’s like me eating in your car, or, messing with your office desk, or snooping around your bedroom. Do you want me to misuse your credit card? (Cause you’ve told me your security code already). So please, PLUG IN!

2- You will most likely hit my nerves when you mention the band that is not worth mentioning in this blog. Duh. Cause you have ruined it for me.Really. There’s no turning back, I will most definitely go berserk over it! And that’s equivalent to people commenting you’re too old to skate. Believe you me, I’ve checked your Ipod before just to check if you have that band. You might think I’m being unreasonable, but you were never in my shoes so that’s my say!

3- Here are some words that may or may not anger me (depends on my mood), i.e. locker, a college’s name, a certain name- which used to be very repulsive at the slightest mention of it but now, amazingly, I can hear it but only from others, and you can’t. And don’t ever refer this name with something equivalent to the word former, because again, believe you me, you will never hear the end of it.

And I still remember everything, so those things that I’ve mentioned above are the Big time-NO NO, you are welcome to hear me throwing a fit if you want to see me being overly sensitive and overreacting. Anytime.

Me being romantic

I can’t believe my mortal enemy’s super banging boyfie was feeling like watching Sleepless in Seattle! I thought guys are not supposed to admit that, or willingly say that to others. Fine, I know it’s not a big deal but it so happens to be a movie that I like with good, normal amount. Basically this movie is the type I feel like watching whenever I want to understand the concept of Fate- in the LOVE department. I love anything about a connection between a guy and a girl.

Lazy day today, I’m still trying to finish my story- I KNOW! What story? Heh, it’s a story that I have sworn to do ever since November? It’s just a made up story- well duh, can’t be factual. Okay, it’s based on my fantasy, yes, I’ve put all the scenes that I find likeable, hehe, mostly scenes that have the high potential to make me squirm and go over the edge, because they are not, in any way, lame. Believe me. And btw, it’s not a porn story. Gosh. But they can be erotic hehe, for the main character’s own good, which is me.

If I search deeply, could this idea behind my writing come solely from my outcry to nail my ‘I want I want’ so bad? I started in November, hmmm… no wait, I think the premise came in October. I just began to write a month after that. Initially, I projected for a short story, but I came up with more incidents that get going after another. It’s going to be dramatic! Woohoo. Well at least I’m having fun exploring my sea of imagination.

Popsie was showing off his experience with his two-timing ex about their parts in writing love letters. Can’t say much about the content of the letters though, judging by his birthday cards and all-occasion cards that he gave me. I guess, I can imagine his words and plea- HAHAHA. No thanks. Sincerely, POPs. Cracks me up!

Just a short one

I received an email from one of the men who interviewed me last Monday. Wow, it was just six days ago, already without hearing news from them, I began to feel paranoid… what if they were bluffing? what if they change their mind? So it was good to get his email. Awesome. Anyway he wanted me to keep updating them with stuff from my part of the world. Hopefully, I’ll get the good stuff.

And…it’s raining now…

I’m really looking forward to the certainty of my uncertainties. By being hopeful, it’s helping me to be motivated. And I love it when I’m motivated. Hmm… the feel of my blog is different now I must say, it’s been, how do I say it, less dark? See, I can be colorful too.

Yippee

I have to say, never underestimate the power of faith and affirmation! I guess talking about it over and over again proves to be the most powerful tool to make a dream a reality! I’m not kidding, it’s looking at my direction, and the way I see it, the opportunity is moving closer.

A couple of weeks ago, I was filling in application forms, and there were spaces that I needed to fill in, and I was aware that I wanted to write it the way I wanted it, not as something that was ‘preferred’. It mattered to me to have it written down. But I knew I was kidding myself. As for the one that was most preferred, I sure didn’t know what to write about that.

Few days ago, I filled it in with the one that I’ve wanted to write for so long.

It ticked me off when my boss said that I had a walk-in interview, when in fact it wasn’t. Because I had an appointment with them, I was just too tired to explain it to her. But it doesn’t matter now. It makes me smile when I was told that I was lucky to have the rarest opportunity to be interviewed by them. I completely agree! Weeks and months ago, I would never dreamed of meeting them under the circumstances like the ones that I had recently. It happened in a span of  5 days! Thank you, God.

The other day, I was having high tea with my close friend and confidant, looking around me, I felt like I was a different person sort of, I began to feel as if things were beginning to make sense.

One thing that I’ve learned, it’s true when they say, the impossible is possible.

Having said all this, I’m not saying that I’ll seal the deal, though I already have with them (they already congratulated me, which is really cool!), I’m still not sure with the other part- which will be the hardest. But I hope I’ll get it anyway.

Last week’s experience was like ones that I felt when I first went out with Mr President, and when I first talked on the phone with Mr Brown, and when I got my degree classification. So I want to relive this experience once again! Ehem, I meant, the current one. Why? You think you can sweep me off my feet once again Mr Able??

Bleurgh. Bleurgh. Bleurgh.

 

The Awakening

I had weird dreams last night, they’re all linked with each other, but one particular scene had my attention, where I was supposed to take pictures with a king and his son (ha ha), but stand back, it wasn’t anything like I was marrying  a prince, but what I understood from the scene was that, I was someone important, like I was holding this big position for a “certain” organization. So there I was getting ready to take photos with the two men, and another male partner who didn’t look excited. Another dream was about having a princess in my living room (though it wasn’t my living room, but I know that place), and she was like sipping coffee and having a chat with some relatives of mine.

So let me get this straight, from the dreams, I psychologically yearn to be with the Royal family? Nope, I don’t think so. But that meaning’s too obvious, I think it goes deeper than that.

Anyway, there are 5 things that I need to do within a week! Gosh, I haven’t really had good sleep because of this.

Sometimes I don’t even know why I made this blog in the first place, I thought I could let out everything that bugs me but it kinda makes me look sad in return! There was a definite reason behind this blog, and I was hoping that it could lead me to post something cheery and miraculous, but so far I’m the one who’s laughing, and it’s not over something funny. And I think Mr President is laughing with me and at me.

Life is really passing me by, and I want more. It’s like having your life written in a book, and my story is not interesting at all. It’s not colorful. I know it’s not too late but when is ‘too late’? Because life is short. There are so many things that I wanna do before I die. From now on, I’m not even gonna care, that should be my motto. Do I care about being new and having to start over? I shouldn’t. Because at the end of the day, I’m able to go home and in the arms of my loved ones. That should be my happy thought. Should I care about what others think? Again, I shouldn’t, I don’t want to be limited by them. I should grab anything I want, and who gives a damn? Should I commit myself in the confinement of how society is supposed to live? No, that is exactly why I feel like my life is passing me by. Because I still have a lot to do and a lot to conquer. Of course, I’m not blaming society… per se. It’s the confinement. We naturally mistakes it as our comfort zone, by we, I mean, I…

————————

I’m nervous about this upcoming performance that I’m directing, I haven’t really come up with the music, been wasting time doing something else, and I’ve to get it done by the end of next week. I’ve got to prioritise!!! :/

Not the worst day.

I don’t work at the counter, so I’m just about far off from interacting with strangers as a part of my life. Even so, there are my friends who are just friends by name cause we work in the same office that I seldom talk to, because I only talk to certain people. I like to have a boundary, I don’t disturb you, you don’t disturb me, but they can count on me if they need me to do a task, I’ll get it done. But please don’t talk behind my back like I’m a ruthless/careless/irresponsible worker. So stop whining, it doesn’t make you any prettier.You want help? Just freakin ask! And yea, now that I know your secret, I can say that I don’t make your life a living hell as to spread whatever nasty things that you’ve done to others. Nope, I don’t spread stories, it’s not my style, plus I don’t care, I have other matters to attend to, and yours is just about the tiniest thing that I’d care to think about. Sheesh.

So tonight, as my friend was sending me home, her car was stopped by the cop cause of her license plate which is illegal. Fine, we pulled over. They asked for my friend’s ID, they had a look and asked her to step outside. We complied. All the while, they were serious, giving us the attitude like we shouldn’t mess with them. Hey officers, there’s no need to raise the voice. Long story short, it wasn’t like we refused to pay for the ticket, in fact I was the one who wanted to pay that damn thing at that time, it’s just that they said we had to go the station tomorrow at working hours. What we can’t accept here is that, what ever happens to manners? Will it be any different if we were some VIPs, or daughters of some rich people. They asked for her ID, and still asked for her address. I butted in...’err, it’s on her ID‘, one of them asked her age, she said it’s on her ID so work it out. One of the cops said, no it’s not on the ID (obviously he was challenged by her reply). He asked again, tension was building, he looked pissed. I answered his question for her, “29 years old”, he asked my friend again, and I told him again, unhappy, he wanted her to answer it. Ego much?? We asked for their names, they asked us why we needed their names for. That part, we just wanted to mess with their heads as it’s too obvious that they’re worried about us reporting on them, things like that. I know it’s their job to give tickets but the way we treated them tonight was exactly how they wanted to be treated. They don’t have to be super nice, but at the same time, they don’t have to be rude like we’re some kind of axe-murderer. Some people tend to forget this because they have the power to arrest people or or that’s how we should see them or whatever but don’t abuse your power.

I know people will still think that we lose ground to this, so no need to give the “it’s the law” shit. But at the end of the day, we are all people. I’m sure they’ll think twice about giving some big fish a ticket let alone pulling their cars over. Never see that happen, ever. But let that be another story.

back to ghost town

Ahhh me…

[so twitter was hacked? Not that I'm surprised...]

——————-

It is August already, which only means that work is mounting high, stress levels are volatile and sleeps are deprived. This will go on for several weeks, but most of us are aware of this and therefore bracing ourselves with hope just to survive. We’ve been doing this year after year, and after this hectic month, things will become easier.

Did I mention that I forget things a lot these days? Just last night I was trying to tell a story to my friend, and I stopped mid sentence because I couldn’t really process out what I wanted to say– there were some words that I wanted to use but couldn’t actually remember them.

So, lately, I haven’t been drinking enough water, mainly because I stay in the office at lunch time. Too tired to get my own break at home. I hate going back and forth from work to home and to work again. So I purposely don’t drink a lot of fluids because I want to avoid the ladies’ room in the office. Few months ago, two of my friends got urine infection at around the same time, and I think they got it from the toilet. Ewww. I’ve never liked that toilet, I can count the number of times I’ve used the facility. Not a lot! But of course, once at home, I usualy try to drink as much water as possible. Hmm… I’m droning on about water and toilet…

And about my sleeping pattern, also, these days, I only sleep for 6 hrs or less. I guess, I will only get good and plenty sleep on Sundays, if I’m free. So let’s hope there’d be zero functions and get-together this month. Come on people, Sundays are resting days!!

One thing for sure, busy days do help. Really. As long as I’m occupied like this, I’ll forget about certain stuff for a while. At least it keeps me going and tolerate some things about my work. And time will definitely fly. I seldom get depressed over W these days. And this is healthy I know… but, the only reason why I’m feeling this is because I’m anticipating for my uh-hum at this end of the year. So it’s like everyday, I’m treating my day at work like it’s my final day there. That’s too confident of me huh! But for now, I’m less depressed and have lower tantrums. Thanks to this HOPE... So Zip it Brown!

Trust me, I really wanna try this law of attraction thing!

2004- Revisited

I visited 2 countries last month, and while I was busy shopping and easing my mind, at the back of my head, there’s always that rat in the room. I haven’t finished my work!!!! And there’s a lot of them… and that thought alone pretty much killed my party mood.

And now, I’m starting to juggle my time with my pending work as well as the new tasks which I’m supposed to help out, yup I’m back. But so far, it’s not so bad, well come Monday, everything will be stressful again. At least, I can enjoy a quiet time for now. During this time, my mind often wanders, I’m thinking this must how Mr Brown’s work feels like. The whole day, I’m sitting trying to finish my work, and at the same time usually get distracted by phone calls demanding me to do this and that. It ain’t the same Brownie but I get the concept!

Anyway, it was during my break when I stumbled upon an ad. that usually from past experiences have a deep effect on me, but I never really got the courage to do something about it. Especially now that I’m already working. Why? cause I don’t have the guts. I’m already in my comfort zone, I don’t quite like it but at least I’m already somebody in my office. To start things all over again is nerve-wrecking. But, enough is enough cause today I gave my application form to my boss. Of course I told her this is something that I gotta do. My big unanswered question.

And of course I like to keep this a secret, to tell the truth, I’m not sure that I’ll even reach the interview stage so I prefer keeping this a hush hush until the position is MINE.

Is this a right move? I wish I have answers. But I think I had an epiphany when I was away. And it definitely was in my direction. At that time, the urge was great, and I knew what I had to do– the unanswered question, but now, maybe out of fear, I’m beginning to question if this is the right thing to do. But I owe it to my self to at least try it, RIGHT? I’m finally taking a leap, I hope the result is unlike what I had in 2004…

But my vacation was awesome, no question about it! Especially the first one, because I bumped into Mr President! He was nice but had this tendency to show off his presidential wealth (to my benefit (; , hehe), it was fun, he was supposed to pay me one midnight visit before he left, but it didn’t happen, oh well! — we could’ve taken a stroll around the city, but oh no, he was too slow to figure this out on his own…

On my second trip, Mr Brown was being such a baby, acting like an 8 yr old, not replying my texts and if he did, he made sure his words were short. I got it, I’m in a foreign land, and you can’t stand it. But we’re good right.

————–

Oh hell, of course this is the rightest thing to do! It’s my dream job for God’s sakes! I have recurring dreams about this job, I become mentaly affected everytime I see and hear people holding this job brand!

Vacation

My initial plan was to finish everything up so that I can have a peace of mind while I’m enjoying my vacation… tomorrow. Yipee, but ahhh, the work, the ANTI-JOY. It’s not like I can’t get them over with in a day, because I completely can, but I don’t have that drive,

Until today I haven’t heard any feedback, or anything about my application. It’s been 11 days, is that common? At first, I felt great with what I wrote in my application, proposal, etc, but now, I don’t think I sell that much, do I? Anyway, here’s hoping for a miracle, truly hope to get a call, not a rejection, y’know, hope it’ll happen… I’m beginning to think that this blog is like a collection of my failure. Nah, now that’s self-pity! I guess, I’ll make  happy blog when things are in placed for me. That sounds ungrateful right, cause I actually have a good life unrelated to my work. But the work area is something that I want to achieve. Surely one can understand that. Because I made a lot of mistakes prior to working, even when I was still at schools. I let people run my life and make decisions for me. Really. But I don’t blame them. I blame me. Anyway, these things can be amended. Of course they can. All I need is time and more hard work. I surely know how to talk now huh?

As for my colleagues who texted  me yesterday about wanting to borrow my ‘version’, now they know how hard it is to compose a lenghty piece of work! BOO!!! And they even told me they haven’t started anything, of course the easiest job is to ask for my ‘version’ so that they can start writing. Told them that I’d give it to them after my vacation. And now, they’re in my shoes. It ain’t easy sistas!

Oh yeah, here’s a tip for men that I picked up yesterday which made me ponder about it at home… dear men, if you want to marry a winning woman, a jackpot, find a woman who has the compassion for older people, especially if they’re your side of the family. Oooo wait, this applies for us ladies too.